EXCITED BEYOND BELIEF

They were words attributed to the mouth of The Great Man, and they are a perfect fit for the eve of the opening day of a season that we have waited all summer for, or 18 years, depending on the context. It’s also a season that begins with a fixture that is so mouth-watering that it makes you wonder whether it was randomly generated, or the result of an algorithm designed to maximise global interest in the start of the English Premier League. It’s scum away, and I’m excited beyond belief.

At Blackburn Leeds played like they’d just completed a murderball session in the afternoon, and they probably had.

Nowadays we seem to get excited beyond belief about a lot of stuff that doesn’t really matter too much, pre-season results would be the finest example. Leeds didn’t win in pre-season, but they rarely do under Bielsa, these games are even less significant to him than to his peers. At Blackburn Leeds played like they’d just completed a murderball session in the afternoon, and they probably had. At Ajax some players played two matches in one day. These are just training sessions, used to prime the players so they are ready to go full throttle when the real action starts; like an F1 driver zigzagging on the track to warm up his tyres. Signings don’t matter too much either, not when you have a squad of players that the best manager in the world trusts implicitly. Leeds have spent £130m on transfers since promotion, that’s a significant investment, and the fact they weighted it heavily in favour of their first season is about as ambitious as you can sensibly be. It’s also prudent to keep a rainy-day fund for when the next Raphinha becomes available (Ryan Kent?), and safe in the knowledge that this is the case, we should all be delighted with the summer. Just keeping our world class players was enough for me.

The final positive to come from the 6-2 defeat hasn’t happened yet, you will see it at Old Trafford, God willing.

I won’t be in Manchester tomorrow, words that have been true of every day in my life except when I’ve been there to watch Leeds. Well, I’ve been to their airport, but that’s not even in Manchester, although neither is Old Trafford. Ah Old Trafford, the Theatre of Dreams. Nobody seems to mention what fantastic times Leeds fans have seen at the home of their arch-rivals. Since our football club was relegated in 2004, our city’s rugby team has lifted more trophies at Old Trafford (eight) than any team in history. On my last visit I saw the Rhinos complete the treble thanks to Kevin Sinfield’s last ever kick, and on my previous visit I saw League One Leeds United beat the champions of England, a result that brings debate every year as to whether it should be celebrated. In the words of Jermaine Beckford, ‘Are you serious, bruv?’ Yes, that result should be celebrated shamelessly! It’s the biggest piss-take we could ever subject them to. Remember the date you shit scum bastards! The elephant in the room is last season’s 6-2 defeat. But it’s the eve of a new season and I can even bring positives from that result. We learnt a valuable lesson. It was a wake-up call that kick-started our campaign, we were a different animal after that humbling. And there wasn’t even a single scum fan there to celebrate it, and no Leeds fan there to suffer it. Not that we didn’t suffer, but we did win the last quarter 1-0 (Mr. Positivity is in full flight!). The final positive to come from the 6-2 defeat hasn’t happened yet, you will see it at Old Trafford, God willing.

Which brings us nicely on to the thing everyone loves so much, despite, as The Great Man says, it always making one look stupid: predictions. Firstly, I predict that Leeds will have a better opening two and a half minutes than on their last trip to Old Trafford, though judging by pre-season even that could leave me with egg on my face. I also predict that the new rules will screw us over, that the new high bar for VAR interference will prevent them looking again at a nothing foul by Phillips on Fernandes that results in Paul Tierney (the smarmiest looking ref in the league) pointing at the spot. Or at the other end Bamford will be left aghast as Tierney argues that being shoved to the floor by Slab

Marcelo Bielsa’s Leeds United are too good to let referee decisions come between them and their objectives

Head doesn’t warrant a penalty anymore. Both could even happen. What happened to Mr Positivity?! Don’t worry, because Marcelo Bielsa’s Leeds United are too good to let referee decisions come between them and their objectives. I’m acutely aware that Leeds could go into their shells in front of 75,000 fans for the first time, that Sancho might actually be worth the £70m scum splurged on him, Pogba might turn up, Fernandes might show that he’s more than a penalty king, and Rashford might have a rare on-day, but I’m predicting a glorious 3-1 victory for the Mighty Whites. Old Trafford will be left dumbfounded, their team caught cold as Raphinha and Harrison run riot, and we will be happy to let them have their one measly goal. After all, ‘one’ rhymes so much better with ‘We beat the scum’.

Rocco Dean - Author of Marcelo Bielsa vs The Damned United (pre-order on Amazon)