Friday, 1st December 2023

In his pre-Boro press-conference, Daniel Farke revealed that Leeds's practically clean bill of health has been ruined by Junior Firpo, though few will lose sleep over the ex-Barcelona star's latest hamstring strain. More concerning was the news that Stuart Dallas has no return date in sight. The Cookstown Cafu is looking increasingly likely to be condemned to a cheer-leader role for the rest of the season, as is fellow Old-Guard Extraordinaire, Luke Ayling, who received great praise from his manager after sitting out the midweek victory over Swansea. Bill is one of the best professionals Farke has ever managed, and an unbelievable good presence in the dressing room and on the training pitch, where he helps to ensure the high standards do not drop. Worryingly, Djed Spence was singled out as someone Ayling helps to keep honest. It’s not the first time the German gaffer has hinted at motivational issues for the Spurs loanee, who is still stuck on one ten-minute cameo in a Leeds shirt. Izzy another Isiah Brown? Let's hope not.

Saturday, 2nd December 2023

It was another great day at Fortress Elland Road as United clocked up their seventh home win on the trot, 3-2 against the Yorkshire Rejects, with all five goals coming in a ding-dong first half. Patrick Bamford has the most talked-about hair-do in football, Leeds were awarded a penalty, and Dan James scored for the fifth home game running. What a strange universe we are living in. There were wins for Ipswich and Southampton too, and Leicester were annoyingly gifted a last gasp winner at West Brom, who forgot to leave any defenders back for a last-minute long throw. Naive by Carlos Corberan. United remain 3rd, but there is now clear daylight between the top four and the chasing pack.

Sunday, 3rd December 2023

Leeds United make history in the FA Cup! Without even kicking a ball! Yes, for the first time in the competition's 152-year history a club has been drawn away from home in 13 successive ties; unlucky for some. It could only happen to Leeds, and it has only happened to Leeds, who will travel down the A1 or the East Coast Mainline to Peterborough United's London Road stadium. 'The Posh' are managed by the son of a scummer and currently sit 5th in League One, having squandered a 4-0 lead in the play-offs last season. Leeds That!

Monday, 4th December 2023

Time for our monthly check-in on Victor Orta's Snakes & Losers. Rasmussss Krisssstenssssen took a shot that deflected into the net, earning Roma a 2-1 win that moves them up to 4th in Serie A. Rasmus has featured 13 times in the league, while Diego Llorente - who played the full 90 mins and had the highest passing accuracy (94%) - has played 12. It’s unlikely both are doing enough to secure permanent moves, but we live in hope. Robin Koch played in midfield for Eintracht Frankfurt, who lost 2-1 and drop to 7th in the Bundesliga. Koch has only missed one league game this season, but his contract is up at the end of the season anyway, so rest assured he won’t be Robin a living from us next season (LOL!). Elsewhere in Germany, The Warrior, Maxssss Wober, has the sniffles and missed Munchengladbach's win over Hoffenheim. He's played most games and must be in line for a permanent move too. Brendan Aaronsssson had his best weekend for a while, as Union Berlin's match against Bayern Munich was called off. They're bottom of the league though, and Brendan has only started four times, with 11 appearances from the bench. Alarmingly, Fotmob value him at £22m, which throws into doubt every stat I've reported so far. Over in Spain, Marc Roca played 90 mins for Real Betis, who drew 0-0. Roca's passing accuracy was only 66%, but he's been a firm fixture in a team doing well (Betis are 7th, and top of their Europa League group) and, god willing, we won’t be subjected to him again. Back home, Jack Harrisssson got a nice assist, his fourth goal involvement in eight Premier League appearances. His place in the Everton side seems cemented, but his future is anything but, considering Everton’s financial woes. It was bench duty again for Luissss Ssssinissssterra, who hasn't started a match since Ipswich v Leeds back in August, making 12 substitute appearances since. The things you do to retain your status as a Premier League footballer. In the EFL, Sam Greenwood was ineligible for Boro at the weekend, so unable to add to his impressive tally of six goal involvements since earning a starting place nine games ago. Cody “1/10” Drameh was ‘hooked’ after an hour on Saturday, but is starting regularly for Wayne Rooney's struggling Brady Bunch, and last and least, Sonny Perkins has only managed a grand total of 5 (FIVE) minutes in League One for Oxford, spread over three appearances too, which somehow makes this even more embarrassing. Another excellent signing by Victor Orta. 

Tuesday, 5th December 2023

Former Chelsea, Arsenal, Barcelona and Manchester City winger, Ian Carlo Poveda-Ocampo, has stunned the football world by turning his back on the land of his birth, having been called-up to represent the land of his parents, Colombia, in their December friendlies against Paraguay and Mexico. Poveda had represented England at U-16, U-17, U-18, U-19, and U-20 levels, but will never again wear three lions on his chest. Even more interesting than all that information is Leeds's willingness to allow Poveda to travel halfway across the world and miss three key Championship fixtures ahead of the busy Christmas schedule. League One scouts should be placed on high alert.

Wednesday, 6th December 2023

Today’s hot debate on Twitter surrounds Illan Meslier, following revelations that he has the lowest save percentage in the Championship. Eric Ten Hag used similar stats to 'prove' that Onana is the second best goalkeeper in the Premier League, which is where my interest in the topic ends.

Thursday, 7th December 2023

Low key presser from Daniel Farke today. He's pretty pretty pleased with everyone and everything, and has no fresh injury concerns ahead of the trip to Blackburn, where his opposite number, Jon Dahl Tomasson, will be serving a one-match touchline ban. In other news, I dreamt Archie Gray scored his first Leeds United goal at Ewood Park, opening the scoring in a 3-0 win. The odds of my dreams coming true are 100/1.